Italians in an Honest and Ethical Light: Dismantling Harmful Stereotypes

“Genuine love flows freely. It isn’t staged or forced. Understanding unconditional love liberates you from the painful web of conditional love. Conditional love requires you to achieve someone else’s standards and ideals to obtain their love. Unconditional love comes without expectations and allows you to be as you are now.” – Naomi Carr

In this post, I would like to take the opportunity to help dissolve a few unfair, and erroneous Italian stereotypes that we have developed in North America which influence our ideas about this group, and consequently, the levels of trust we potentially bring as visitors to their country. If conscious consideration is not taken with respect to these stereotypes, sadly, one is at greater risk of subconsciously seeking experiences that will confirm these preexisting beliefs. And this group deserves so much more than that. Furthermore, false stereotypes can affect the energy we bring to the places we visit, which in turn, affect the locals and their ability to thrive both individually and collectively (and I don’t mean thrive in fortune, I mean in a soulful way). So, let us thoughtfully reflect on some common preconceptions we (North Americans) hold about “Italians” so that we may gain a more honest and accurate understanding of them.

Italians, I have discovered, are outstanding in unconditional love. Meaning, they know how to love others exactly as they are. They will take your imperfections and celebrate them, and they will do this without question, and without expectation. In North America, when we hear the term “Italian” we will often (and unfairly) equate it to someone who is fiery and temperamental. Perhaps even loud and exaggerated. But this is simply not true. “Italians" are assured and consistent. Receptive and focused. Brilliant and humble. You may even be surprised to see how calm they can be in the face of chaos, especially perhaps the ones who grew up near city centres. These ones are highly accustomed to the challenges and clatter of a booming tourism industry. Commotion is their normal and we cannot deny that tourists, like ourselves, elevate these levels of commotion.

It is true, their love is open and trusting but never abuse this trait in them. It is important to remember that many Italians (especially those born and raised in the city) never had a choice in this matter because their survival depends on them being this way. In other words, they need to be tolerant of foreigners because they will encounter them daily, and often, and in great numbers. If they are business owners, their success is somewhat dependent on their hosting skills which is why they often excel in this area as well. Moreover, many young Italians are gracious and generous hosts because their parents were gracious and generous hosts and their parent’s parents were gracious and generous hosts etc. Being a good host, isn’t some sort of inherent Italian trait. Many Italians have simply followed in the example of their elders. It was a natural chain of progression, so let’s respect this strength if we find it in them. If they make you feel welcome and comfortable in their establishment, accept their hosting style with trust and thanks. This is charm that you needn’t be skeptical of. Italians of all genders have shown me that charm can be very genuine indeed.

A couple of nights ago, two of my classmates and I went out for a late dinner at a delightful little family-owned Italian restaurant near our apartment, and to our surprise, a table of five local Florentine men invited us to sit with them after our meal was over. We took them up on their offer, and yes, they were charming. Maybe even inherently charming. But they were also not seeking to take advantage of us in any way whatsoever. They thought we looked friendly and simply wanted to socialize with us for nothing in return. There was not a single moment during the evening when I felt threatened or pressured by them. They were just five, good natured Italian guys through and through. Every. Single. One of them. So let us consider dismantling the harmful stereotype of Italian men being womanizers since I have presented you with a truthful account of what Italian men are really like from my experience.

Another harmful stereotype that we need to eliminate, is the assumption that Italians will exhaust you with their exuberant and overbearing energy because this is just not the case. In fact, it is not uncommon to feel energized and even liberated after conversing with an Italian because their confidence is contagious, and they will expect you to meet them at their level. So, meet them there. Meet them there for the good of Italian children and youth. If you are an adult, be a good example of one, if you know how. This is the least we can do for local Florentine families I would say. The very, very least. And if you don’t know how to be this, that’s okay too. I can help guide you in this area. It is my role to educate the ones still trapped in the cave.

So, if you get the opportunity to visit Italy be your best self. Show Italians that you respect their people (and this means all their people) and their culture through your body language and attitude especially if language barriers prevent you from being able to express this respect verbally. Also, remember that some cities like Florence, are plagued with tourists. Meaning, that every single day, local Florentines cater to outsiders. They cater, specially, to the wants and needs of transients. Humans who are not seriously invested in the community or have any personal interest in the long-term goals of the city. Humans who are not necessarily considering the political, social, and economical issues that could be forcing local Florentines further and further out of their own city. So let's experience Italians and Italian culture with trust, respect, and devotion. Because the tourism machine is only truly successful if the locals themselves feel nurtured. Together, we visitors can help make this possible, so long as we are looking at Italians first, in an honest and ethical light.

Sincerely,

Heather

Note: This post has been inspired by the Florentines I have grown so fond of during my time here in Italy, my concerns about tourists like myself affecting the quality of life for locals, and more generally, my desire to protect the city and its inhabitants as one whole.